So far so good

 Honestly, I think I feel more of the awareness for Noah’s Down syndrome when other people find out the news.  To me, he seems like the perfect gift from God.  To be sure, before he arrived I did have my fears, doubts and wandering thoughts about the future and just what it would be like to have a child with a disability, but now that he’s here and we have been given so much help and information on early care for his development…I wonder why I freaked out at all.  He is a precious child like any child is.  And he is truly so sweet.  His eyes and his little facial expressions are just the sweetest thing! 

However, now that I’m on this side of the spectrum I can understand why other people feel whatever they feel when they hear the news about Noah having Down syndrome.  You don’t know until it actually HAPPENS to you, so I don’t blame people for feeling sorry or downright curious/concerned, but this has once again shown me that we often fear something before it even happens because we think we need some sort of control over our futures to be stable or happy or whatever.  But control is an illusion—meaning nobody has it.  No one can control whether their heart will take the next beat or suddenly stop from a stroke or aneurism.  No one can control the car behind, in front, or next to you to not make a sudden mistake and send you crashing into the freeway wall.  No one can control who will bully their kids, contract Covid, or turn the economy against your best interests.  At any moment we are all vulnerable to attack.  Yet we live our lives fooling ourselves into thinking we have some control only to freak out when things don’t go our way.  So we numb ourselves with shopping, food, wine, Netflix or cigarettes.  And we ooze a bad attitude about how we are victims to our circumstances despite our best efforts.  We all think we put in enough effort, but what is the truth?  Is it our effort that wins us happiness in life?  To a degree, effort is crucial, but effort requires a goal for which effort is being made…the goal is the key to happiness.  In other words, we have to first know what will make us happy and then make an effort towards that “what.” 

My goal is to walk more closely with God each day and hopefully my children will follow suit.  I recognize that I have so little control in life, I now just surrender!  Down syndrome, Covid, or any other sickness isn’t a huge deal anymore because they have nothing to do with taking me away from my goal.  

Now, so I have to remind myself of this every single day and sometimes a hundred times throughout my day?  Absolutely.  But I know it sorry the truth that I choose to live by because I’ve tasted the fruit of pursuing a closer communion with God and there is nothing like it.  

So far so good, and having a child with Down syndrome hasn’t changed my life much at all.  Haha.  If anything it has just reminded me again how my joy and peace is unshakeable because it isn’t based on anything but an unshakeable love between my Lord and I.