It’s been 4 years since my last blog entry…because I got married 4 years ago, started youth ministry, and had 3 kids so it’s been quite an adjustment!
But here I am again, and I’m not sure if I’ll be consistent but I thought it would be good to start writing again considering how good God has been to me and everything I’ve experienced these past 4 years!
But mostly because my son Noah was born 4 days ago on September 27, 2022 and right away he had to go into surgery and is currently staying in the NICU for the next few weeks as he heals and learns to eat and survives whatever else might be wrong with him. As a mom nothing is harder than watching your child have to go through pain. And as I watch my son with all kinds of tubes in his mouth and IV’s in his arms, hands and feet I have to make a choice about what I will do with all these feelings inside of me. And I am choosing to run to God and take refuge in His goodness and sovereignty over the whole situation.
Noah was said to have a 98% chance of Down Syndrome, but we are still waiting for the confirmation from his labs to say with certainty that he has it. While I was pregnant I would pray that he didn’t have it but I also prayed that if God wanted him to have it then there must be a good reason and I would trust that reason and revive whatever God gave me as a gift and a blessing. So as we wait for his labs I know for certain that regardless if he has Down syndrome or not I am already head over heels for this little baby boy. My husband and I have been trying to visit him morning and night everyday and the more we spend time with him the more we just fall in love with everything about him. The whispy hairs on his head, his little lips that are identical to his older brother, his round little eyes, and the small sounds he makes as he shuffles around in his NICU ark.
As for me, I’m now in postpartum and it’s like I’m constantly being chased by this heavy cloud that wants me to just be swept away in a sea of emotions…but I’m running away from it and towards God. I’m actively keeping my mind on the words God speaks to me in the quiet places of my heart. I feel the cloud around every corner and then I just book it towards the refuge tower of God’s presence and His word. I have to…because if I don’t I know I risk being swept up in a sea of emotions that doesn’t do me or my family any good. But as I hold tightly to God’s presence and His Word I find a peace wash over me about the whole situation.
Everything is going to be okay.
No. That’s not it.
Everything is going to be the most incredible blessing in my life because God is my good Father and He has always been so abundantly faithful, merciful, loving, and generous towards me! Everything is going to be more than okay—it’s all part of His perfect plan. And I believe Him. He knows better than me.
So I run to Him when the cloud hunts me down, I run and I don’t stop until I’ve reached refuge in Him.
I hope to share my journey as a way to encourage anyone going through anything they don’t understand.
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