Overwhelmed but not giving up

Ever since we brought Noah home from the NICU I have seen and felt the weight of everything around me that I could be doing and it overwhelms me.  The kids’ playroom is all unorganized, laundry piles up, the dishes …don’t get me started on the dishes, and I’ve sort of neglected my two other kids in favor of a little more rest.  I don’t know if this is okay or if it’s right in God’s eyes, but I do know that I want to be intentional about mothering my kids and being a good wife to my husband.  I want to be able to expand my capacities rather than shrink away from them when I feel like I am incapable of handling all of it.  The housework is endless and I’m a horrible cook, but I am blessed to have so much help, especially from my husband and my parents.  Then there’s my church community who delivers dinner for us for the past 3-4 weeks!  I have no right to complain, my only desire in writing all this is to want to receive all these good things with the right heart.  I want to get up each day and do the best I can to serve my family within my limits as a mother who is pumping every 2-3 hours and has 3 kids.  But I want to expand my limits a little more each day.  I want to be intentional about spending time with my kids and teaching them about God—not just through words, but primarily through my actions.  Because that’s the greatest kind of teacher.  

I think I preoccupy my mind with many things like wanting to lose 20 lbs, wanting more sleep, wanting my kids to be okay, wanting Noah to be okay, thinking about how I fail to do well in ministry, wanting to write but feeling like an idiot once I have the time, and then the day passes by and I am on my bed just feeling like it’s a little hopeless.  I cling to Jesus because I know He can help an impossible case like me.  He’s done it many times in my life and I believe He will do it again and again.  

So, where do I start? 

I’ll start by a prayer:

Lord, I need help to get up and have a new mindset and a new way of doing today.  Although it feels like it’s too late, help me be intentional about spending time with my kids and husband and being present and patient while with them.  Give me wisdom to speak only words that build them up and to be a living example of Christ for them.  Help me because I’m bound to make mistakes and move by my emotions.  So Lord, help me be more desperate for You.  Help me to think deeply even if I’m tired and to rest when I have the time.  Thank You for Your grace that gives me endless chances at change and for never leaving me to figure things out for myself.  

Help me be still and just listen for each next step as I live today. 

In Your Son’s name I pray, Amen.