At times all I know is that I need God’s wisdom because my mind has a lot of ideas and opinions that cannot be trusted.
I’ve learned that waiting for God to “fix my problems” is the best way to go about fixing my problems. Although it may take longer than I want, there is essentially nothing else I can do. If God takes 2 hours to tell me what to do then for 2 hours I can do nothing but wait.
If my children need to take a certain medicine 3 times a day for 3 days in order to get well, then that is what I need to do regardless of my preferences. My preferences don’t matter because the cure is as given.
Waiting on God is difficult because it can leave me in a state of uncertainty which can feel uncomfortable. However denying that God is good is much more harmful to myself. When I see my situation through God’s eyes I become desperate for His wisdom. No matter how scary or painful reality is, trying to make it something else is way worse because when I make my truth something that fits my preferences I become more self-reliant. But when I see the truth as it is I am drawn deeper into dependence on God, and that is how we must all live every single day.
Apart from Him we are doing empty things that have no real substance or lasting power—all for the sake of easing the pain of our uncertainties.
As I watch my children grow, as I observe the reality of how difficult marriage is, the reality of what it takes to lead a small group or do life in community—I am a desperate woman.
Noah having Down syndrome is a huge blessing because that reality is so obvious.
I need God to keep my baby alive.
But as I pray the truth gets revealed again and again that I need God for so much more! And as I see how God’s grace has been covering me in all my blind spots I am so thankful again to have this life where God has me and will not leave me to my own devices. He knows me and He helps me when I call on His name—which should be everyday!
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