swept

and tomorrow begins a chapter of another year with the same emotions, people, jobs, problems, and hopes.

and tomorrow introduces the potential for change of the above.

and now a brief look back at what these hands have accomplished for a greater cause...

a weak dent in the old structure.

perhaps breaking down was never the way, but cleaning up what was already there.

reconstructing rather than re-building.

why make another problem?

sweep the floors, wipe the floors, organize the rooms, and open the windows.

blue blood

Love is patient, but I just can't seem to wait.

Love is kind, but I get annoyed just at looking at you.

Love does not envy, but I sometimes wish to be someone entirely different.

Love does not boast, but the words I use are sugar-coated with pretentious remarks.

Love keeps no record of wrongs, but I calculate and store every little mistake I find in you.

Love never fails, but I can't seem to win the battle....

thoughts that burst

I remembered it well,
sweaty palms and an eager breath.
The first time he held my hand I thought for a moment that my nerves were playing tricks on me, because I was under the impression that my feet were not fully touching the ground below.  Instead of walking strong stable steps I was floating, gliding almost, as if I hovered above what felt like an invisible platform. The security of such contact was illogical yet my faith in it kept telling me logic was now relevant.  Science becomes cacophony.  Lights shine brighter.  The air is suddenly pollutant free and I am somewhere nice.  And then, of course, the bell tower tolls and my pumpkin carriage turns back into a pumpkin and I lose more than just my left shoe.  I am broken.

Thinking back always makes the means seem so much more memorable than reality.  Was I truly happy? yes, but was it a happiness beyond comprehension? no.  I knew it couldn't and shouldn't always be like this.  That would be madness.  There were future stages of love that I had looked forward to.  Falling asleep on a plane together, taking turns to use the restroom, our first fight, our first apologies, reading in the same room together, everything done together but without all the anxious excitement.  There are those who chase after the butterflies, and then there are those who long for loyalty and a quiet understanding that it is truly a blessing to have that person be by your side despite who you are.  Let me clarify...it's a feeling of being thankful that there is actually someone in the world who is willing to put up with you.

haha.

Now, the story ends.  That story ends, and new ones begin.  It's almost unfathomable that something so meaningful and amazing could just dissipate or change into something so insignificant and futile.  One may argue that we live and learn, but I disagree.  I think we knew the lesson to be learned all along but were too selfish and weak to work for it the right way so we end up disappointed or remorseful....perhaps we regret.  Such a sharp pain; regret.  True regret hurts like hell.  It's a double stab to your ego and your well-being.  However, let's introduce some more cliches and add that "nobody is perfect."

Life in a cycle.

to be continued.

just call on me...

...and I'll be there.

love, Jesus

when you feel out of control

and nothing makes sense,

when the world suffocates

and the air becomes dense

lift up your head

and straighten your back,

our God is greater

than any attack.

sink or swim baby

old habits are hard to break,

...but not impossible.

It's better to be alive and striving, then comfortably barely living.

good morning

breakfast, lunch, and dinner with love and good cheer bring health to my eyes.

walking in love and constant awareness of the grace that falls over me supplies my hope.

a small sweet reminder turns the curve of my mouth heavenward.

faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is L O V E

I will be patient,

I will be kind,

...I will bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things that are s e t a p a r t.

______________________________________________________________________

Today marks my 3 months at work, and I can't believe how fast time flies there! I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, because I don't want to feel like I'm just living to work, but I know I am there to let my light shine and do the will of my Father who sees all things from his glorious throne in heaven. I hope I'm doing something right, and that I am pushing myself a bit more each day to make Him think of me. On another note, I have been trying to be more open to people, but it's difficult. I am afraid of my bad habits being exposed to others, yet I desire to use my hands and words to heal the wounds of others...In a way I guess we all sort of desire to be of help rather than to get help. I've been hanging out a lot with my coworkers and church friends, it's a strange play of events how relationships roll from one end to the other. I always thought that friendships were unbreakable, but life has shown me that rather than unbreakable they are elastic. Days are too short to stay in one circle. I will love harder today because He loves me.

bright star

with your eyes you see,

yet you do nothing,

you are still blind

with your ears you hear,

yet you do nothing,

you are still deaf

with your lips you speak,

yet you do nothing,

you are still mute

with you thoughts you think,

yet you do nothing,

you are still stupid

love is a verb

faith without action is dead

obedience is better than sacrifice

Change is possible with patient obedience and true love.

be the clay

You mold and make me,
but I stiffen too quickly,
I try to shape myself
help me to be patient,
to endure through the fire,
refine me through these hardships
lead me into quiet obedience
Lord I keep falling into my sins,
these addictions, temptations and apathies...
but help me believe
water my faith and help me grow
give me wisdom for eternity
Lord I need Your power in my life
help me to be filled with Your spirit
turn my mind from the sinful strongholds
encourage and convict me to follow you
with all my heart, with all my intellect, with all my strength
help me fight everyday
against the things of this world that beckon me
against the laziness of apathy
against the powers of human selfishness
...by Your power, Your blood, Your Spirit
make me new.
mold me into the beautiful daughter you desire me to be.
I count everything as rubbish,
I just want You.

I love You, Lord.

true love

I desire a deep relationship with God.

steadfast into transformation

I am holding a weight on my shoulders,

and holding on to a hope (at the same time)

that this burden will build my character, my perspective, and my life

into a work of His glory

what once was lost is now found...in Jesus name.

Sardis

Though the skin be supple,

the heart is stone,

though the eyes are open,

you are as dry as bone

the sun shines down on your bright faces,

you appear alive in public places,

a smile here; a kind gesture there,

but He who made you sees you bare.

you are dead and only breathing,

even breath is a gift you are gracefully receiving

Open your eyes, listen with your ears,

let all who desire Him fall down in tears

the mind is fickle and the flesh is weak

everyday your spirit grows bleak

while on the outside you beam

the words tidy themselves so as to seem

you are fine, heaven-bound, and getting by

when deep down you are not ready to die

Jesus is Lord and is to be glorified with your life

seek Him, desire Him, and pray for love

for only by the Spirit will you be able to change...

then He will breathe life into these dry bones.

these chains

because this is easy

this is comfortable

this is hassle free

beat, beat, beat of the drum

this heart is on fire,
my mind goes murky,
my feet stuck in the mire,
thoughts roll sticky

but the beat of the drum still pounds
deep within my chest it sounds

caught up and lost at sea
unable to find my identity
close my eyes so I can see
remind myself that I am free

today I forget who I am,
for a moment I cannot think,
it takes too much of me,
to embrace kindness
this torrent compels me

I know you want the best,
only good things for me
but I fall short of your glory
save me.

meandering talks

the best part about an interaction with someone
is the way it takes two to trace a path,
words weave in and out in spoken tapestry
suddenly life is outlined with simple vocabulary

When we speak I love to hear you sigh,
talk about nothing, and never get shy

Our conversation is special to me,
your small words are waves in a sea
frosting on my cake it's sweet as can be!

I smile when you just text me,
a long day at work,
but you make me happy.

Can I speak words back to you?
Color your dull day right back to you?
shimmy a word of strength to you?
send a simple jar of joy with my reply back to you?
make you smile or silently laugh while you do what you do?

words take me by surprise.
sometimes i need them more than air,
sometimes I refuse them in my despair
but our meandering talks lead me there:
the place of warmth with what we share.

just heavenly.

question of the day...

when will I just go for it? (or more definitively...let go?)




Something always brings me back to you,
it never takes too long
no matter what i say or do
I still feel you here, til the moment I'm gone...

You hold me without touch,
keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
then to drown in your love
and I'd feel your rain

Set me free...
leave me be!
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am,
and I stand
so tall,
just the way I'm supposed to be
You're on to me
all over me...

Oh.
You love me cuz i'm fragile,
and I thought that I was strong,
you touch me for a little while,
and all my fragile strength is gone...

Set me free
leave me be!
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
here I am,
and I stand
so tall,
just the way I'm supposed to be
but you're on to me,
all over me...

The one thing that I still know
is that you're keeping me down,
you're keeping me down.
you're on to me,
and all over ...

Something always brings me back to you
it never takes too long...


(currently listening to Sara B.)

secret

smooth as a whisper,
the words feel like rain
falling all around me,
you bring the sky back

smoke beyond the hills,
fresh snow falls in my palm
the tall grass sways
my cheeks glow sun-kissed

here or there, anywhere
you speak rhythm into my heart
you hold my hand and lead me
into a great wide world

stay.

You.

Let me sing for the breath that You've given.

Every day for the life You sustain
The beat of the heart You formed when I was made
Let me worship Your wonder and splendor
Though the heavens Your glory proclaim
They don’t know the price You paid for my life, the sacrifice You made

Let me sing louder than creation to You
For the pain You bore in Your body to bring my soul to You
Let me shine brighter than the stars in the sky
An offering of praise all my life to You my holy King
Let me sing, let me sing

Let me sing for the mercy You’ve given
Undeserving and broken am I
Though I’ve turned away, Your faithfulness remains
Let me live in the light of forever
As I walk through the course of my days
And join to proclaim with all of the saints the only worthy name

3 days in the belly of the whale

need to be in solitude

scent of something new

I love my morning cup of coffee,

today feels like the beginning of spring

Glory to God, forever!

I wish I could sing to the trees,

dance without worry

be with the One who created me

but now I am here

on earth til He comes

and I wait for the day

when I will run to Him

sing for Him

and stand in awe of His Majesty

as His beloved.

baby steps

begin again,

slowly take a step

this is real

my hands fail me

but my heart is strong

I barely see through this cloud

but I know it will fade

I will rise

see my redemption

til the day it takes my soul

I will run this race

beginning with baby steps.

6:40am

love unfailing has truly overtaken my heart this morning...

glorious

coffee and dash of moonlight

smooth.

though this is trying

i try not to fall asleep,
when my heart feels like it's deflated
sounds are muffled,
the melodies have instigated
that slow silent movie in slides,
this heavy contemplation hides
behind a dizzy stand still

air is at my chest
leaving me quickly
like steady underwater breaths
with every stroke I flee
to some other world where I am free
to unfold the ambitions
let go of addictions

here in this moment
I let my guard down
to not hesitate anymore
tears to make a single ant drown

Corona (코로나) - 10cm (십센치)

I don't know what they are saying besides that "today will be nice", but i love that they are in a library surrounded by books, and playing simple instruments while harmonizing. The song seems to be about something nice because the melody is kind.

good morning...

Weather forecast:

Foggy with a chance of fun!

or froggy with a chance of sun?

blank page

...

whales stay warm in the sea,

swallowed in the deep,

just like today was for me,

like tea my thoughts carelessly seep.

Thank You God for another breath to breathe.

seedling

sometimes I sing to let the noises flow,

or dance in my room just to let go

I walk down the street with my eyes closed,

breathe in the mint air and just be surrounded

I laugh at myself when no one else knows

because there are things in my head that are funny to me alone

I get thirsty easily, and drink like a fish

if I move my stomach I can hear it swish!

I get lost in books, but never in a movie

unless, perhaps, it is a documentary

days can turn to seconds,

and minutes to years,

but to me my heart still beats

as every season nears

some part of me remains unchanged

my soul deep within loves just the same

I am fragile as glass,

but wild as the wind

I move through the currents,

and pray God sends me to Him.

water(falls)

drowsy with weather

yet light as a feather,

worries reach the shore,

dissipating at the core

calm winter whispers here

soothing sounds hold me dear

falls into falls they speak to me

water hits the pane that weakened me

once before, but now restored

purely sent; quietly enamored

I lay beneath the silk of falls

catch a glimpse of the one who calls.

krej

k is for killing some part of me that I'll never get back,

R is for reminding me how much I hurt you

E is for everything I am sorry for

and

J is for me, Jamie, that I am still here breathing

I wish I was more mature back then, wish I had been more sensitive and less cold-hearted, less selfish and less afraid.

funny how life works, sometimes you get what you want, but not always when you want it.

I can only go forward.

pitifully beautiful

rain came down and washed the earth away,

water fell fast and beckoned my heart to pray

only You can love me despite myself,

make me glad and draw me to yourself

these dry bones call from the desert ground,

helpless, weary, and failure bound

Hope will rise on wings of grace,

flight beneath my good feet race

There is power in one righteous name,

Jesus' great love remains the same

courage fills my timid lungs,

with the Holy Spirit I speak in tongues

though my sins do taint my face,

and cover me with pitiful disgrace

Lord You call me to Your throne,

my eyes fall down to the unknown

then You hold me close and dear,

until grace takes over the unclear.

Silence

be still, and know that all is beyond and before you, with great consideration and tremendous love.

Japan can be saved

Today God told me He loved me.

It was a bit sudden and unexpected,

but nonetheless it calmed the raging sea;

I am lost in a hurricane undetected,

swallowed by an apathetic cloud,

Spirit's whisper percolates through the crowd

what is life?

why do we do anything?

dust to dust,
we will become,

disaster can strike at any time,

our lives are but a moment's flicker

here today, gone tomorrow

these hands hopelessly gather sorrow

...quiet these thoughts,
take a moment to pray, no take more than a moment,
this is not life, this is repetition,
this is numb,
this is forgettable.
Tied down by selfish ambition and transient desires
shifting, drifting farther away
bound by addiction with so much guilt
this travesty keeps reflecting
and my ego keeps neglecting
the call to prayer,
to pray without ceasing.

Lord You are God,
You formed me with loving hands,
You control the winds and seas,
You painted the landscape trees
Lord we forget that You are to be praised,
all of life was created for You alone to be raised
yet here we are, here I am,
living as if You were not God
forgive me for losing sight,
help me find my way back to Your light.

Thank you for your grace,
and for telling me You love me today,
please save Japan, and let that nation
praise you through this situation.

iron heart

it takes you under by a slow sweep,
knocks you down further as you weep,
this desire turns into pain,
selfish temperance ends without gain,

this is the tragedy of many men,
falling again and again and again
though you hope for light to hold,
the heart is weak and the world is cold

those that fall may stay down,
others beat the body off the ground,
the dark and secretive acts remain,
enslaving the soul like a ball and chain

who will rise up?
who can resist?
these ravenous rages do persist,

this flesh that holds a soul inside,
soft and peach yet so unkind
is a prison that holds rooted lies
shielding itself from invisible eyes

here is one who longs to be loved,

though the way to freedom is abusively shoved

unready, never right,
like a soldier unprepared to fight
courage only placed in some later time
for some other mountain or some other climb

but few are those who's hearts are pure,
filled with sin they hope for a cure,
live by faith and never let go,
are led blindly despite the darkest low

heart of iron,
despair deferred,
strength of a lion
spirit undeterred.

itd

and so it begins,
brought here to confess our sins,


sisters hands are slowly reaching,
for three days a biblical teaching

Holy Spirit pour into us,
fire like rain is a must

10 candidates, more team members
transform us all from glowing embers
to contagious winds and strong warriors,
make us see we are your daughters.

itd #1 2011.

expect the unbelievable!

I want to hold your hand

Today I was much more affectionate than usual,perhaps I was just overwhelmed by all my love that was unshared,

it just spilled over and I wanted to hold hands with everyone,

I kept hugging the backs of all the girls at church and stroking their hair,

kissing babies, and crying with my sisters in Christ while praying.

God's love is sufficient enough for me.

let your light shine

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

___________________________________________________________

I desire to be a'light.

I need to be rescued

I called,

and You answered...

and You came to my rescue

I want to be where You are.

_____________________________

there are too many strange things in this world to contemplate,

I need eyes that see and ears that hear.

Why can't I realize you calm the raging seas?

Why must I always turn away from what You want from me?

Truth be told I am still holding on to myself, unable to let go in order for You to use me for Your kingdom... Help me to have a bigger faith!

famous first words

...be yourself.

woman behold your son!

called to love one another, without abandonment.

A Walk to Remember

Wise men say, "only fools rush in"

but I can't help ....falling in love with You

There's a song that's inside of my soul,

it's the one that I've tried to write over and over again

Something always brings me back to you,

it never takes too long

You will be the answer at the end of my life

-(song lyrics)

swallowed by the sea

sinking past the sandy shoreline,

blurring visions catch in mind

neither here and never there

holding on to a hope so bare

falling over familiar stones,

reaching empty, nothing holds

beneath the plaster and unsifted facade

a soul so small speaks to God

uncontrollable, overwhelmed

grace abounds into a swell

even if I'm sinking because I doubt,

weep and wonder, worry or shout

Lord you remain the same today

rescuing me in my disarray

subtle, so still and true are You

Your love is good no matter what I do.

(How) Do you (do)?

wedding propaganda.

armor

dressed for battle

lovers abroad...

I miss

I miss

I miss

mother in the philippines

best friend in Israel

best friend in Ghana

dear friend in Peru

spiritual family in Russia

switzerland roads

boo wah jokes

the sound of baby sleeping

breathing in books

quiet time

the most perfect old building

silence whispers a sound of inquiry
this dream is actually reality
turning corners, opening doors,
careful treading on delicate floors

searching for something
but not quite sure
here in this home
I am brought under,
hoping and wondering if there is more
beyond these curtains,
beyond these walls
my heart beats fast
as if true love calls
more than desire and more than want
this exploration is paramount.

Find me in humble thoughts,
search me, Oh God
allow me to enjoy Your presence
within these temporary walls.

Thank, thank You, for all the mysteries of the perfect old building.

shameless love

what if I could EXUDE pure love and joy in the office?

but how?....I lack the courage to speak, and when I do muster some boldness to say a word ...it's always something that doesn't make much sense or have any of the resonating effects I will them to. My actions are "kindly" but nothing outstanding. I made cupcakes and brownies, but even that felt illusory. It didn't take root from my heart, I thought it did, but after a more in depth and careful examination of my intentions I felt deluded.

my bosses are always so "busy", I want to pull them aside and tell them with ALL MY HEART that they are loved by a GREAT and PERFECT God! and then hug them and turn the office into one big party of smiles, grateful hearts, and lights.

I want to be salty.

I want to think in terms of eternity and not just the day to day.

I want to be able to love more.

I want to have courage!

I want to not be afraid of trusting.

I want to BE loved.

I want to be crazy in love with Jesus!

I want to know that I can do anything!

I want to sing without getting nervous

I want to be able to open up to people

I want to listen better, empathize better

I want to work hard for the sake of being salty rather than for money

I want to take on an adventure!

sigh, it must be that time of the month...where the truth can be suppressed no more.

this is difficult, and sort of painful to swallow, but I will keep running.

goodnight.

brazilian coffee

who knew I was missing out on something so ...so...what's the word?...exquisite! yes! very much so, my taste buds hug every drop that tickles my tongue!

sweet and lovely with a hint of nutty! mmm. and perfectly brewed to just the right flavor, even the temperature is something I savor!

haha. okay, enough jibberish. jibberish. what an exquisite word! bahahaha...the world lights up! Perhaps it was the massage I got today for 20 dollars. Something so amazing for such a deal can only put one in high spirits!

and indeed in high spirits I needed to be.

a loof had me fooled, and carried away my stomach,
for three days straight like a lost sailor on deck!

the calm smell of brazilian coffee, smoothes out my senses and overtakes me.

here and there, was there, will be tomorrow, and then in a week; a year or maybe three we shall soon see!

till then here's a photo, simply adorable!

quiet in time.

take me to that place of loneliness,

folded hands and syncopated breaths of holiness

til I am alone, and nothing in this world makes a sound

Joy inside unending; what once was lost is now so completely found.

G R A C E ocean

challenging to obey,

seems as if I always fall short of Your glory

yet you still love me?

amazing grace.

the strange door

here it stands in front of me

cut from Nature's kindly tree

this new door it beckons me

but I am cautious of what might be.

My pulse beats go,

but my thoughts fear no,

pacing the floor

I can wait no more

the joy or pain that could be there

would be? should be? it seems unfair.

The solo act has left me bare,

Jesus lead me, I want to be your pair.

like a child she blooms

Waiting in the silent room,

clutching at her seamless clothes,

trembling with an awesome fear,

but fighting shadows deep and near

This is where You spoke to me,

this is where I was

this is where I wait again

for your reassuring love

small, weak; an ember barely there,

til you breathe life and peace

a strong wind rushing through the air

Silent and calm the storm becomes,

speechlessly overwhelmed as You call for me

only You can reach my deepest fears

and turn them into joyful tears

grateful, grateful

so very thankful.

Thankful, thankful,

let me never stop being grateful.

tall breath

The firm strength of a tree trunk,

the steadfast flow of a stream,

You bring me peace unending,

hold my quivering hands

Blinded I walk in circles,

till you lead me off the path,

uncertain, but full of hope

I am reminded of things past

how you blessed me, held me, loved me

and for that I take a tall breath.