42 days with Job. Day 11 and 12

It seems to be a pattern for me, skimping out every few days and then crawling back to my "plan" almost scavenging for something insightful or applicable from Job. I don't mean to make it sound like it's torture or anything, but rather that I find my complacency rendering me alarmingly apathetic. and pathetic. Why are we so meager with so much at our disposal? Why do you choose the wrong choices, and why does negligence often overrule our ardor for greatness? It somehow makes no sense to me, and now I'm angry. sigh. I don't mean to be masochistic when I say that I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I do want to do, but it's hard to grasp at what it is I'm doing at all when most of the time I'm doing that which brings me pain. Well actually, if I really think about everything as a whole, I'm not really doing much to allow myself to make the right choices. I'm sort of complaining about the outcome of a game when I never even practiced in preparation for it. Needless to say I've lost my footing, but I'm ready to get back up and try again, and again, and again, even if it takes me 3,000 falls, I'll get back up, cuz where I lack in discipline I make up for in persistence. or so i hope. Let's look at what Job's friend Zophar has to say in response to Job's outcry...

Alright, I don't know why but I feel as though Job's friends are not helping too much. I mean, from a surface observation they seem to be offering a type of rebuking consolation (which is very common in the church) but knowing that Job really didn't do anything wrong in the first place, yet has been tormented beyond what most people could never even imagine to cope with, it all seems futile to hear Job's friends regurgitating the conventional "God is just, and you're a sinner so shut up and repent" talk. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I see the situation. If I were Job I'd be mad too...let's see what he had to say after words like:

(Zophar): "Surely he recognizes deceitful men (is he implying something here??); and when he sees evil, does he not take note?"

Shooot, if I were Job and I heard my friend say that (obviously thick with implications about me being deceitful) I'd probably have steam coming out of my ears...that or I'd just close my eyes and imagine very bad things happening to Zophar. But then again, that's why Job is a much wiser and righteous man that I am, because he only speaks in response...he says:

"But I have a mind as well as you; I am not inferior to you.

Who does not know all these things?"

(Job's talking about all the character traits that Zophar described about God, how God is just and so forth)

"In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind"

(Job acknowledging that God is indeed in control, and COULD if He wanted, take away Job's inflictions...which is why Job is just lamenting over why God would not take his pain away already, but he doesn't know that it is to demonstrate and affirm his true and pure love for God.)

OH man Job. How did you not break down and lose your footing in faith when everything around you was not making sense, your wife, your children dying, your body decaying, and your friends spewing useless remarks!

Lord help me understand the reason behind my lack of vigilance, and the emotions that deter me from making the right decisions. I keep wavering at the slightest illusions, but somewhere deep inside the depths of my heart I know that there is a strength in me to overcome my weaknesses, or even to allow You to take the reigns and cultivate my weaknesses for Your glory. open my heart and draw out wisdom from my lips so that I will no longer be a slave to sin. Help me to keep firm like Job, even when I am inflicted with all kinds of anguish. Lead me to You. My life is but a breath on earth, lest I cling on to you and redeem eternity.