swept

and tomorrow begins a chapter of another year with the same emotions, people, jobs, problems, and hopes.

and tomorrow introduces the potential for change of the above.

and now a brief look back at what these hands have accomplished for a greater cause...

a weak dent in the old structure.

perhaps breaking down was never the way, but cleaning up what was already there.

reconstructing rather than re-building.

why make another problem?

sweep the floors, wipe the floors, organize the rooms, and open the windows.

blue blood

Love is patient, but I just can't seem to wait.

Love is kind, but I get annoyed just at looking at you.

Love does not envy, but I sometimes wish to be someone entirely different.

Love does not boast, but the words I use are sugar-coated with pretentious remarks.

Love keeps no record of wrongs, but I calculate and store every little mistake I find in you.

Love never fails, but I can't seem to win the battle....

thoughts that burst

I remembered it well,
sweaty palms and an eager breath.
The first time he held my hand I thought for a moment that my nerves were playing tricks on me, because I was under the impression that my feet were not fully touching the ground below.  Instead of walking strong stable steps I was floating, gliding almost, as if I hovered above what felt like an invisible platform. The security of such contact was illogical yet my faith in it kept telling me logic was now relevant.  Science becomes cacophony.  Lights shine brighter.  The air is suddenly pollutant free and I am somewhere nice.  And then, of course, the bell tower tolls and my pumpkin carriage turns back into a pumpkin and I lose more than just my left shoe.  I am broken.

Thinking back always makes the means seem so much more memorable than reality.  Was I truly happy? yes, but was it a happiness beyond comprehension? no.  I knew it couldn't and shouldn't always be like this.  That would be madness.  There were future stages of love that I had looked forward to.  Falling asleep on a plane together, taking turns to use the restroom, our first fight, our first apologies, reading in the same room together, everything done together but without all the anxious excitement.  There are those who chase after the butterflies, and then there are those who long for loyalty and a quiet understanding that it is truly a blessing to have that person be by your side despite who you are.  Let me clarify...it's a feeling of being thankful that there is actually someone in the world who is willing to put up with you.

haha.

Now, the story ends.  That story ends, and new ones begin.  It's almost unfathomable that something so meaningful and amazing could just dissipate or change into something so insignificant and futile.  One may argue that we live and learn, but I disagree.  I think we knew the lesson to be learned all along but were too selfish and weak to work for it the right way so we end up disappointed or remorseful....perhaps we regret.  Such a sharp pain; regret.  True regret hurts like hell.  It's a double stab to your ego and your well-being.  However, let's introduce some more cliches and add that "nobody is perfect."

Life in a cycle.

to be continued.

just call on me...

...and I'll be there.

love, Jesus

when you feel out of control

and nothing makes sense,

when the world suffocates

and the air becomes dense

lift up your head

and straighten your back,

our God is greater

than any attack.

sink or swim baby

old habits are hard to break,

...but not impossible.

It's better to be alive and striving, then comfortably barely living.

good morning

breakfast, lunch, and dinner with love and good cheer bring health to my eyes.

walking in love and constant awareness of the grace that falls over me supplies my hope.

a small sweet reminder turns the curve of my mouth heavenward.

faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is L O V E

I will be patient,

I will be kind,

...I will bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things that are s e t a p a r t.

______________________________________________________________________

Today marks my 3 months at work, and I can't believe how fast time flies there! I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, because I don't want to feel like I'm just living to work, but I know I am there to let my light shine and do the will of my Father who sees all things from his glorious throne in heaven. I hope I'm doing something right, and that I am pushing myself a bit more each day to make Him think of me. On another note, I have been trying to be more open to people, but it's difficult. I am afraid of my bad habits being exposed to others, yet I desire to use my hands and words to heal the wounds of others...In a way I guess we all sort of desire to be of help rather than to get help. I've been hanging out a lot with my coworkers and church friends, it's a strange play of events how relationships roll from one end to the other. I always thought that friendships were unbreakable, but life has shown me that rather than unbreakable they are elastic. Days are too short to stay in one circle. I will love harder today because He loves me.

bright star

with your eyes you see,

yet you do nothing,

you are still blind

with your ears you hear,

yet you do nothing,

you are still deaf

with your lips you speak,

yet you do nothing,

you are still mute

with you thoughts you think,

yet you do nothing,

you are still stupid

love is a verb

faith without action is dead

obedience is better than sacrifice

Change is possible with patient obedience and true love.