Dear Meadow

 Dear meadow, 

Sigh.  Sometimes I find that the life of a parent is truly sad because as kids we all learn to drown out our parents (I did too! So I can’t even blame you!) and here I am trying to tell you all that I can to do my best to help you find your life in Christ—but I feel a little bit like there’s sometimes a wall between us.  As if I am helpless to reach you—like when I try to call out daddy’s name from inside the car and he is outside and can’t hear me.  I feel as if I’m not allowed in to your heart…the door is shut and so may of my words may fall on deaf ears.  BUT…I know and hope that one day these words—wherever they may land will still be there hanging around the door of your heart and you will begin to open the door and find them one by one.  The first thing I want to say is how I love you so so much!  You are my daughter and it’s crazy because you came out of me!  You are part of me!  Half me and half daddy!  And God knit you together in my womb and you are perfect!  I love you so much…my best reason for loving you is that there is no reason or explanation.  I simply have an intense love for you because you are mine.  

Second, I would say that I am sorry.  I have made many mistakes in my life that have led to many mistakes as a mom and I’m not proud of many moments that I made those mistakes with you.  Like how I didn’t let you sleep with mommy when you were little (only later when you were older, but when you were 1-3 years old I tried to force-train you to sleep in your own bed and many nights it was done in anger and frustration…and one night I found you huddled in your closet.  It still hurts to think about that and I am really so sorry my love.  I have prayed to God many times that He would redeem my mistakes and protect you from me if I was doing anything harmful in my words, actions, attitudes or lack thereof.  I’m sorry my love…deeply sorry.  I need Jesus!  

Thirdly, I would say…you need Jesus.  You will never find life outside of your relationship with God.  Many things may seem promising but none will deliver on their promises—it’s all lies.  Only God will bring you the peace in your heart that you never thought possible and the joy that is deeper than you ever knew.  I hope and pray you fall in love with God and come to taste and see His goodness!  I pray you surrender your whole self to Him because when you do—though it will be hellishly painful at times—you will almost immediately forgot the pain once you experience the result of going God’s way!  The cost is costly, but the rewards FAR OUTWEIGHS IT!  There is truly nothing like the love of God and to know how much He sees, knows, and loves you.  

Until my next letter, 

Mommy.