Snow seemed to make everything a reason for sleeping in. Pam and Sicily lay beneath the muted atmosphere of parked cars and frozen flowers. It was too late to say good morning and too early to leave the house, so they both remained in their respective rooms, one sound asleep, the other eyes wide and thinking.
(Sicily)
"What time is it??"
"When do I need to get in the shower, if I get up in 30 minutes I'll have an hour to get ready."
"I really don't want to get up."
"Why do I have to meet Karen for coffee? What does she want from me? A little sister to boss around? Someone to make herself feel stronger, better, good about herself?"
"Sicily, stop it."
"I can help her. Maybe she will end up being the one who needs someone to talk to without knowing."
"I can be the bigger person."
"But....sleep..."
"I need to go the super market."
"What should I get?"
"I need to be healthier."
"Or will I just get compulsive and throw it all out again?"
"Why."
"Maybe I should get up and write."
"Maybe I should get up."
(30 minutes later)
"..."
(Pam)
(Dreaming about a snow storm turned flood)
---
Sicily stayed in bed, texted Karen about needing to get some maintenance done on her car, but with guilt wrought around her thoughts, rescheduled the meeting to later that evening. An anxiety far enough to not be bothered for a while. Sunlight began melting the whiteness outside, and the air stayed stubbornly cold. Both girls lay their limbs down for a longer than usual time because it was, after all, a post snow day.
---
(Sicily)
I got a text yesterday. It was from Aaron. It caught me off guard since he had agreed to not contact me for at least a week while I made the transition of dating to being friends. An agreement implemented by me for his lack of past baggage removal. I wanted to give him time to be ok, because he obviously wasn't ready for another relationship. Maybe what he was looking for was a friend with benefits, although he denied it when I made that joke, which really wasn't a joke on my part, but whatever it is that's going on in his intricate circle of thoughts, I knew I had to let him go. I love feeling useful when helping people, but the dynamic nature of a relationship can get too overwhelming. Then after the first day I missed him, but after the second day I questioned how much I liked him at all. We hardly had a meaningful conversation, and never were they instigated by him. We kissed. We held hands. He bought me dinners, and then we sat.
---
Aaron and Sicily frequently sat like obligated lego pieces without any real purpose but to take up space of the remaining hours. There were moments that she liked him more than not, but the few days of no contact had provided some clarity on the maddening truth: she sought companionship in all the wrong places.
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