In my dreams I didn't want to wake up, but staying unconscious wasn't exactly ideal either.
I felt the bottom of my foot against my calf, like an ice pack thawing a sensitive black eye. I knew I had time to spare, but time always seemed to sneak behind my back when I stopped thinking about it, so I clung to my anxieties.
My eyes felt raw, especially the right eye. It kept shut like a stubborn lid of a jar, and I let it have it's way. After all it's way was my way. I needed the distraction from the anxieties that began bobbing their ugly heads all around my quiet morning.
'How much time do I have?'
'What should I wear today?'
'Will I be as cold as last time?'
'What should I have for breakfast?'
'What if I get hungry at work, should I pack a snack?'
'What if I get tired?'
'What if I stop thinking about the time, and I end up late?'
'What's that smell?'
'Do I need to do laundry?'
'Should I call my mother?'
'What should I do after work?'
'Should I go out?'
'Should I make dinner or buy it?'
'When did I last go to the dentist?'
'I need to get dressed now.'
And as if Time knew she'd slip past me like a sly thief, I was rushing out the door with the same outfit from yesterday, no snack, and feigning for a strong cup of hot, black coffee.
---
I never know what to say the moment I walk through that door. Greetings are always somewhat awkward for me; only because it feels too short to be sincere or too bothersome if drawn out past a certain point. I tend to stick with the sudden obligation find something as an escape route to avoid either situation, but that usually turns out even more awkward than anything since my so-called obligations are normally assigned to having to use the restroom, texting someone (since I can't get my phone to magically ring), or picking up an article and having a sudden interest in it. Thankfully, so far as nannies go, my job requires minimal time and proximity with the employing adults.
No comments:
Post a Comment