...and in the divine nature of things I come to a conclusive end of no end at all.

The battle will continue to rage on whether or not I am ready or even alive.

All things remain constantly moving, as in Newtons first law, until an external force causes change.

What then can my personal external force be in the ever tumultuous tossing waves of my life?

What will stop me from the negative habits I've bestowed upon myself?

How can I reverse these subtle deformations that have grown into full blown atrocities?

Where does one begin in search of such a powerful anecdote?

and why do I keep asking myself the same questions over and over again.

but alas, hope comes in unexpected forms.

forms of writing, in singing, in reading, in thinking, and yes even in eating.

well perhaps these forms are not so unexpected being that they are in the artistic realm of things, giving them the reputation of inspiration and naturally of hope...

other forms have arisen apart from the usual; such as observing children on a school bus or worn out men in wrinkled dress shirts walking to work at 9am. strangely both have inspired me to look more closely at life and see the outcome of our decisions, and thus hope forms in the details of those realizations. Awareness which leads to a resistance to mediocrity.

The way to such a transformation must, in my case, be organically brewed from scratch.

First, the decision,

second the mind,

third the intention,

fourth the concentration,

fifth the discipline,

sixth the behavior,

and seventh the perseverance.

One habit, one mistake, one wrong turn at a time will be analyzed and made right.

One at a time, and not twenty at once as I have been so formally accustomed to attempt.

Breaking one negative habit in exchange for fostering a new positive one.

the goal the goal, keep focused on the goal!

chemicals react and my body may groan, but all things are possible with my God who is master of the unknown!