Friday, October 30, 2009

Meet Grey

Grey is tall and built like a pole vaulter by genetics.
He does really well in math, but has a severe case of dyslexia.
Everyone thinks he's a jock, but he really loves gardening.
Grey has green fingers, ironically.
He is handsome by most standards, but his kindness weakens the appeal.
Grey doesn't go out much, but considers staring out at the sky for long hours meaningful
He's always a couple minutes early wherever goes, considers punctuality a discipline.
He doesn't smoke, but daydreams about what people would think if he did.
He has crushes on older girls who wear glasses and wear Tshirts that separate from their pants by an inch leaving a line of bare skin
He thinks he's the only one who is misunderstood because of the way he looks, and because nobody knows he gardens.
Grey is a little insecure, but he doesn't put a lot of weight on appearances or social interactions
He's mostly insecure about his footsteps.
He gets lost in thoughts about raising children and being good to his wife,
he doesn't want to be like everyone else.
He thinks he'll make the best husband because he knows that sacrifice of self is necessary, but also knows that most things are easier said than done, however he still thinks that he will be the minority or exception in that case simply because he has a "gut feeling".
Grey likes to play baseball and wear clean shirts.
He thinks that after a long day, so long as he didn't watch TV, it was productive.
Grey gets by, but doesn't really have high standards for his life.
He knows this and it sometimes catches him during his hours looking at the sky, and depresses him.
Grey finds flowers that grow between cement cracks miracles, and stares.
He likes to think of gardening as a guideline for life.
Weeding out the bad stuff, and watering the good stuff even if it takes ages for the plant to fully bloom.
Grey thinks people are not truly bad, even if their actions show otherwise.
He thinks it's a product of their timidity towards self actualization, that they are indeed, meant for something specific and important, but more so meaningful.
Grey is part colorblind, but never found it strange that when he saw purple, the world saw brown.
When he finds enough time, Grey likes to do sit ups, push ups, and planks while coaxing his plants to grow stronger.
He doesn't have very many embarrassing moments, and often imagines them to amuse himself, especially during long lectures or seminars.
Grey hopes that people will find the good in life, even if evil is present till the end.
He thinks that circumstance has little to do with choice, such as wrong and right.
Grey paints his world with strange colors in his mind, but to most people he's just grey.
No one really knows Grey to be green, red, lavender, turquoise, or yellow because of the way he spends his time.
He can't paint a still life for his own life, but can make beautiful swirls and smudges that look like abstract perfection.
He would never email a girl he loved, because emails are too common and easily accessible.
Grey was named after his autistic father's favorite crayon, and the only color his partly blind mother could see.


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

crap


It was never mine to begin with,
now all I feel is addiction,
I'm casting glances over my shoulder,
worried that the next good thing will pass me by,
stuck in a phase,
waiting, waiting, waiting,
too much routine,
can't stop the bad habits,
choking on the ugly reality,
this has got to stop somehow, today, now.
draining.

vision fading.

yet hope still escalating.

where does this come from?

I just want more of what was my own life back.

to travel,
to love,
to kiss,
to climb,
to run,
to sleep,
to eat,
to have conversations,
to daydream,
to read,
to write.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wandering Through Walls


A path is marked days in advance,
but approaching near is something unclear,
the presumed way seems swallowed in a trance.
Wondering, wandering through a cloudy drear

Set out to conquer and accomplish some,
sent spiraling out from another turn,
limbs knotted up and suddenly numb
the walls cave in and fingers burn

Catching wants and unknown needs,
falling down and bruising brown
the walls stretch out without a sound
conscious of way but pulled like a slave

These walls they trap and dig deep down,
no escape from either way around
heart beating and pulsing out of control
life leaving the eyes save the bare soul

Rain heavy upon the enclosed place,
causing the body to flay then be still
breath catching and flowing at great pace
Here where one stands against one's own will




Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Responsibility

Responsibility is a daily reminder that you are restricted.

Perhaps it is the stony walkway towards your inheritance.

It can seem tedious and unrelenting, or just and fair for those who abide by it.

The process is tremendously mindful, but the benefits feel feeble.

Where one responsibility ends, another is surely to take it's place.

The characteristics involved evolve almost constantly,

as if to reform to a higher constraint of humane obligation.

Where does responsibility begin and freedom end?

What defines a person's world if not the limitations they put forth to live?

Here is an observation of a direct impasse,

where neither ability nor correctness will ever concede.

Thus leaving one with dreams and hopes to indulge in.

However, ever so finely sporadic, someone is able to navigate a way.

Be it brilliance or higher guidance both approaches stand attainable to those who seek it out.

Responsibility is a choice, as is the freedom to choose.

Monday, October 19, 2009

beautiful



because two people are not alike...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Antipathy of the Antipathy of Self

It feels so strange to dislike the similarities,
we are ever so keen on life's reflective parodies,
wandering the ground with heavy feet,
we sail past 3 seasons and burn in the heat

So many heads with so many questions,
keeping things shallow in most conversations
looking past here and avoiding the now,
on our hands and knees, to Ambivalence we bow,
always confused and never too sure,
this is a threat to our very nature.

Take away the glass blocking out touch,
reach for directness instead of such and such
Feel the new skin replenish your body,
let go of the old and outdated facsimile

Smell the snow see it flash in white brilliance,
Spring leaves of warm colors arouse a resilience,
ride on the waves of a summer beach day,
in each passing season there is reason to play.

Let go of antipathy and anger or worry,
No need to be anxious or pushed in a hurry,
Life comes and it goes as it always has,
The best you can do is the best that you have.



Tuesday, October 13, 2009

contradicting atmospheres

Love and Greed make for a terrible duo
Love and Pride will only cause strife
Love and Anxiety bring out unwanted pressure
Love and Expectations cause disappointment
Love and Demands are unequally balanced

It's strange walking into a heart shaped arena to watch the killing take place.


Monday, October 12, 2009

Covered


demonstrate for me,
this unholy being,
pent up with the unseeing,
heart bleeding,
mind half depleting

salt of my flesh,
make due with this mess,
construct a new soul,
lest I remain a gaping hole.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

just for now

Save the girl


day one: ambition
day two: indecision
day three: reconsideration

sigh.

is it worth it? is it truly worth it? no telling till I dive.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

self adherence

whispers waft around the inner chambers of the heart,
taunting one or guiding one for lack of discipline to start
hearing words that bark like commands,
then softly cooing the infringing demands

To lay still, unevenly breathing
taking in accounts of the prior evening,
looking back and looking forward,
To catch a glimpse of the cage one conjured.

Here. Now. Inhaling and exhaling.
forgetting air, and what moves thee
Feeling the tension build up profusely
then choking one with self inadequacy

Silence all around the room,
numbing the tension all too soon
drifting off into an imaginary place
One forgets that he is on a race

be here. be the tree planted firmly,
growing tall with roots stretching deeply
take out substance and competition
running towards a self ambition.






Thursday, October 8, 2009

I decompose

drag me to obedie-
pull me back to discip-
push my will to mov-


this feels like more than I can handle
My wants and needs ferociously flow freely,
I need the storm to come and tame me

Halfway stuck and often weary,
blind and shattered I can't see clearly
turning my stomach inside out
All that's in me begins to generate doubt

Inciting moment come and take me
rescue me with what is necessary.
Chisel my structure,
compose my minutes,
take everything out,
and restart before I diminish.

Fading and wandering
this weakness overtakes me,
but I'll fight till I'm over
because this is how it must be.

Soon when my bones rest underground,
the will to have courage will incessantly resound
all of my fears and all of the pain,
will have been for a cause, for an eternal gain.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Essence of sky


Crystal droplets submerged in the sky,
penetrating one's eyes with an evanescent subtle light,
beauty so common yet commonly so denied,
Time seems to stand for such a grand sight!

As this simple canvas illuminates life,
Beyond emotion much deeper than sorrow,
outlined in wonder, words do not follow
Past forgotten, hope in tomorrow.

Beautiful, beautiful! Take it all in!
If only days like this had no end.
Consider the ant, and follow it's way,
toiling hard for a breath in such a day!




Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Naked in full view

With your palms face down,
on your knees greed unabating,
selfish desires thrown around,
flesh and bone surely decaying

The threads that cover your body,
the words that smooth your speech,
positions of high rank in society,
yet fulfillment remains out of reach

blind to self you bloody the day,
your existence full of lethargic pity,
slowly baking intelligence to clay
resident of an ostentatious city,
"afraid" or "indifferent" they say.

We stand here on arid ground,
rooted deep in Nature's floor,
civil layers are none to be found,
the outcome of what we bore.

Here the earth is like an arena,
people naked before the crowd,
you stand before the gods
secret thoughts now read aloud.

This is in waking, this is in doing,
this is in taking, and in pursuing.
(unfinished)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

My ocean

I'm like the shore rising up,
crashing down at a moments whim
beating the ground with tiny particles
carrying sand back to sand
the Sun beating down on my skin

Rolling around in momentous motions
lying still at intervals
carrying ships to destinations
allowing life within me to grow
the sea creatures playing in my womb
are my desires exploring the vast

Storms and wind create a stir
tossing me around until no more
but life within me remains
the animals peak in thundering
knowing well what lies beneath
yet some afraid to go above shore
all the same they remain
after an angry storm





Thursday, October 1, 2009

meaning in reflection,
watching the ripples replicate
I search the water's surface,
but I know the waters are deep.

What is your priority in life?

Why do you do what you do?

What is causing you to move in a direction?

I identify myself with another,
thinking this will make me whole,
blending in with all the colors,
turning my story into a blur.

What are you putting your trust in?

Where is your support coming from?

Why are you doing what you are doing?

I can see now that my soul speaks,
A thousand voices rushing in,
but I pick them apart until one by one
they dissipate, leaving none
All that's left is what has begun.